Art Amidst a Pandemic

I'm Calling This Art

It has been a long time since I've written on the blog.  I've been writing the occasional assigned piece, but those pieces don't document anything going on in our family's life.  If I really feel like I want to get some thoughts out, I'll craft something a little longer for social media.  I always struggle with how much to share, whether or not I'm oversharing, whether it appears I'm boasting, if it appears I have it all figured out (spoiler alert: I don't), if I'm virtue signaling, and if I'll be received in the way I intend.  A lot of that is my social anxiety rearing its ugly head.  Recently several friends PMed at just the right time asking me to keep the thoughts coming.  At the same time the book, "Think Again" by Adam Grant has given me great insight into some of my hesitation to speak up. Great book. Go read it! So with that encouragement and insight, for now I'll keep at it.

Over the past few months I've been toying with the idea of a mental health and the arts piece. I have so much to say on the subject, it will be awhile until I collect my thoughts to do justice to the complex topic. When my brain is formulating a piece in the shower, before I go to bed, during bike rides and workouts, that tells me it's time to get the thoughts down on paper.  Until that time, I’ll mention here the arts have been instrumental in getting our family through the pandemic. I’d like to briefly highlight how they've been a form of therapy/bonding for our family, and also list some fave podcasts, tv shows, and movies we've gotten into during the past year. The arts are in no way a replacement for speaking with a trained therapist, but in tandem are often an essential part of the therapeutic process.  Brief with me is relative so...

Theater Before the World Shut Down

If you got here through my post, the first video I posted on IG is meaningful in so many ways. As someone who loves acting and musical theater, yet also struggles with social anxiety, the fact I said hello to one of my favorite artists, Jonathan Groff, at the stage door of "Little Shop" last year was a marvel of the non-cinematic variety. To understand what a feat it was for me, it is often an internal struggle for me to start conversations or text people I know personally.  I'm so afraid I'll come off as needy, I'll formulate texts and conversations in my head, fail to initiate them, then beat myself up for not having/sending them.  On the flip side I never leave a personal email, text, PM, or phone call unresponded to.  No, I don't respond to random spam :) But I do die a bit inside if I have more than 2 notifications at a time, and I've learned some people have 80,000 or more.  Gasp! I get extremely embarrassed if I fangirl over anyone/anything. Put that and my trouble initiating conversation together and the fact this video exists is a small miracle. As an introvert, I wholly understand the fact the artist suggested making this video when he has his own life and could have simply headed home, was beyond special. 

Aside from seeing my son's production of "Oliver!" 3 times last February, "Little Shop of Horrors" in NYC was the last piece of live theater I saw pre-pandemic.  The cult classic movie is also the first movie I saw with Steven, the husband, 6 years before we started dating. Needless to say "Little Shop" in all its artforms has a special place in my heart.  I find it hilarious that my goal as trumpet section leader in that viewing was for our trumpet section to better gel as a group outside of band. Not sure anyone could call eating UNC basketball cupcakes and watching "Little Shop" with six teenage boys a date. How I got any of them to agree to my movie choice is beyond me.  It didn't send Steven packing forever and 2 of the other teenage boys present that day featured in our wedding party. So... I'll take that as a win. 

2 weeks before the world shut down, Edmund got to perform the role of Oliver as an understudy. We had family drive in from several hours away, an aunt fly in from NYC, friends and his voice teacher take off from work/school to support him. He did his performance on only one rehearsal of Act 1. The kid blew me away with his emotion in the last part of "Where is Love." What I observe only now looking back is how fortunate we were that this show brought our whole family and several friends together before we knew that gathering would soon be a thing of the past. Edmund's performance was a year ago, yet seems like a lifetime ago. Not simply because of the pandemic, but because of how much he has grown as a young man in that time.

The last video is the second half of the song, “Electricity." This was filmed last year, but Edmund submitted a new version in the fall for his regional thespian festival. He also got to perform it for a distanced porch concert with two Broadway veterans. (They've obviously had to pivot this year so check out their YouTube channel Broadway Bradshaws to support them and for some awesome Disney content). Edmund received superiors across the board in regionals and gets to take his new version of "Electricity" to states (on Zoom).  He's grown into the song, but is cautious to release the new version into "the world" just yet in fear of jinxing it.  If you ask him what he's most excited about at states, it's the workshops.  This kid loves to learn about every aspect of theater and film, not just the acting part.

When Edmund was learning “Electricity” last year I mentioned it might be helpful to connect with the song by finding what the song meant for him. In the tiniest of nutshells, the song is about a boy who's passion is dancing. Edmund has a few dance moves. However, they are less of the polished ballet and tap variety, and more of the break dance type. Since dancing is not his passion I asked, “when you connect with this song are you thinking about tennis, coding, singing, film making, script writing, acting? What is it for you?” His response was “acting.” Can I say as a person who has been embarrassed to admit my love of acting my whole life I was taken aback he poured out his passion to me. 

P.S. His repertoire does include songs not sung in a British accent 😉

Friend and Family Support

Recently I called my mom to ask if she could babysit my girls (her first time to do so in a year now that she is fully vaccinated). Edmund was selected for a role in an indie film and I wanted to be able to be fully present for him on set. On that call, my mom mentioned to me her wish she'd recognized sooner how much I loved acting and singing.  She expressed her desire to have taken more steps to support me as she shared how much it meant to her to watch me supporting Edmund in his passion.  The truth is there was no way for my mom to know. I hid it from nearly everyone, and still do to this day (minus this post and a few others where I have briefly let the cat out of the bag).  

However my mom remembers it, I can say with confidence she was there to support me in anything I attempted.  Even those God awful early days of trumpet playing. I remember when I got the role of Cinderella she put a sign on her classroom door stating "Cinderella's mom works here." I do wish I had the guts to pursue acting more than I did.  But at the same time, I've been incredibly fortunate to work with preschool and elementary aged kids through teaching and volunteerism as they pursue their passions in theater and music.  Even if these kids simply develop a love and joy for music, that's really all that matters.  Seeing them succeed brings such joy.

Funny story about the above phone call.  I remembered this conversation taking place in my laundry room.  Then I was like "what the heck was I doing with my mom in an enclosed space during a pandemic?"  Turns out I was hiding in there for a break from my very chatty girls. Moms need a break any way they can get these days, so I was taking mine.  I must have felt like my mom was physically present because the conversation was marked with so much meaning.

Going back to "Cinderella."  It was such a treat to be able to watch the Brandy version with my kids on Disney+ for movie night a few weeks ago.  It brought back memories of my own time in the Rodger's and Hammerstein version.  "Cinderella" was my first leading role, and for a socially anxious girl, made me realize I could do hard things.  I mistakenly remembered this movie coming out the year our school performed it, but Edmund checked the ever handy IMDB and discovered it was a year before. I remember several black friends in the cast talking about how much the Brandy version of Cinderella meant to them.  At the time I was 18.  I listened to their words, but not sure I really "heard."

When watching "Cinderella" with my kids 22 years later, I finally "heard."  I may not have been capable of hearing initially, but their words still made enough of an impression to stick with me all these years. This gave me the perfect opportunity to bring up with my kids how so many people of color were cast in roles they often wouldn't have been considered for. I asked my kids if they could understand why this was such a big deal to my friends at the time, even now.  I hope the depth of the conversation registered with my kids on some level.  Even if they don't quite get it now, hopefully they'll be able to pull the conversation out down the road to think, reflect, and be part of change.  

I am so fortunate to count the people of the cast of "Cinderella" as friends today.  We don't live near each other, but we keep up through social media, email, and PMs.  There is something about creating art together that connects people for life.  That and the fact the friends mentioned above, taught a very reserved girl how to "ride the pony" and "booty dance" backstage.  Friendships get solidified after stuff like that.  Thank God we didn't have cameras on our phones back in those days.  Can you say incriminating?

I've been sitting on this a couple of days deciding whether or not to hit publish.  And it that time it's clear my mom definitely can't say she didn't/doesn't get it.  She totally does.  This morning, after writing the above about Cinderella, she sent me an email with the subject "Thinking of You." In it was she said "check out Cinderella with a link to this podcast.  https://www.stitcher.com/show/4854/episode/81933538 Not only does she "get it," but clearly we're in sync. 

Arts and Failure: How Both Matter on the Road to Success

Edmund is much like me. He holds his emotions inside until there is nowhere to stuff them. When I picked him up from school the day he learned he’d be “going” to states in March as a 7th grader, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more excited. Usually he gets in the car and starts reading despite "mom" trying to engage him.  It was clear he had something in him he couldn't contain that day.  Coming from an arts school getting to go to states is a big deal. Because there are often so many kids at Edmund's school that qualify, and only a certain number from each school can go, his theater teacher often uses scores combined with seniority to make her choice of who to send. His first attempt at adjudicated script writing entitled "Imaginary Friend" also received superior scores this year. Honestly, I think he was more thrilled with the script writing result than the solo result, but he won't be taking script writing to states this year.  There is always next year, and hopefully he can experience it in person then.

Edmund is one of the most sensitive kids I know, though he doesn’t often wear it on his sleeve. He is also tough, which is how he succeeds. He has failed a lot in almost every endeavor to get where he is, but the truth is we have to fail to learn how to get back up. I still remember all those failures and how he  overcame them.  I'm not going to relay them here for his sake, but it helps to have them in my memory to remind him of how he overcame anytime failure starts getting to him. I have to throw this story in here. My mom realized how much I needed the above lesson as a kid.  Heck, I still need that lesson.  Most kids get taken out to dinner for straight As. It was when I got my first C that my parents took me out to celebrate. They did so to show me that even when we fail, we learn and life goes on. Edmund has embraced the message more easily than I have even when it's tough and brings the tears. As his mom I couldn't be more proud.

A friend of mine recently posted a meme essentially saying, "When this pandemic is over we’ll realize we need more teachers and doctors and less actors, sports stars, etc."  One of the most innovative teachers I know commented and said “I’m not so sure about that. Without artists, actors, musicians, and podcasters this year I might have walked into the ocean and not walked out.” As the wife of a a doctor and a teacher in a long line of educators, I totally agree both those professions need a ton more respect, and for teachers, pay.  Yet I also agree wholeheartedly with my teacher friend’s comment. I found myself heading toward the ocean in my mind a few times more than I care to admit this past year.  Big props to the therapists (we certainly need them too) who are doing so much to support people in this unprecedented time.  If nothing else I hope this pandemic paints an absolute need for mental health resources for everyone, regardless of background and financial status.

Art as a Way to Escape, Teach, Laugh, Reflect, and Bond

Podcasts were one of the first art forms (I do call them art) I turned to during the pandemic. I needed them to fall asleep without my mind racing. TV being visual keeps my mind awake, so the auditory and conversation like aspect of podcasts is the perfect mind racing anecdote for me.  My favorite radio podcast escape is "Ask Me Another." Science and psychology podcasts are my jam.  My podcast list is long, but for a couple of mainstream suggestions I recommend "Armchair Expert with Dax Shephard", "Unlocking Us" with Brene Brown, and my ultimate favorite, "No Stupid Questions" with Stephen Dubner and Angela Duckworth. My 2 big kids enjoy a few podcasts, but they decided their escape early pandemic was TV, and decided to get lost in sci-fi. 

Imogen won't be featuring much in this post as her foray into tv and film is limited.  She exclusively devotes her time to anything related to The Lion King and Frozen and vows she will never watch anything else. However, she has the best one liners so feel free to check out my Twitter feed for those;)

Both Edmund and Evelyn devoured the entire "Star Trek: Next Generation" series early pandemic. I still didn't have much interest in TV then, other than watching the occasional musical theater interview, often involving Hamilton actors on YouTube.  I'm someone who would much rather make art than binge or devour it at once, so while I know so many were binging Netflix I was watching interviews on creative process.  Hey it worked for me, and who knew it would be Star Trek that strengthened my kid's sibling bond?  

This summer Edmund and I both read "The Hate U Give" so we could discuss before watching the movie.  I knew it would be a tough watch, and a tough read, but thought he could better process through the written word first.  Both of us agreed the book spoke to us more, so I'm glad we had access to both versions to discuss.  While we try to keep discussions of race and privilege ongoing, I'll admit we can get a bit complacent.  Events this summer were a reminder that we can't "just forget" because our friends and family of color don't have the option to "just forget." 

Edmund and I have enjoyed passing books between us this year. "Ready Player One" was a favorite. We enjoy discussing and then watching and comparing the movie if one exists.  He's currently doing that with "Hunger Games", while totally taking advantage of that x-ray feature on Amazon. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it gives facts about the filming process. He also took an online film theory class this year, which is so cool.  I didn't start those types of classes until college, so it isn't lost on me what an awesome experience this was for a 12 year old.  Watching those movies with him and talking about them has been such a special way for us to bond. We also enjoy watching "The Office" together as he's just now old enough to get the humor.  He'll also listen with me if I'm listening to a book on Audible on our drives (usually one of my psychology books) and we'll discuss various talking points.  As someone who once thought I would only enjoy being a baby mom, I'm truly loving the stage he's in.

After a pandemic safe visit to Chapel Hill in the early fall, Edmund's birthday twin suggested Edmund watch "Stranger Things".  I wasn't sure if Edmund was ready, but this family shares our viewing sensibilities and assured us he could handle it.  It is already one of my favorite shows, so I was thrilled to re-watch with Edmund and Steven after not seeing it in a couple of years.  We finished the last released episode on Halloween.  It was such a joy to revel in the Easter Eggs the Duffer Brothers throw in occasionally about mine, Steven's, and Edmund’s home town. The creaters went to my rival high school and based Hawkins on the place I grew up. This little tidbit has made the show all the more fun to for our family to watch.

My closest neighborhood friend moved out of state mid-pandemic.  That was tough, but she recommended a bunch of TV shows and movies, along with books, to check out.  Somehow watching and reading her suggestions made me feel closer to her.  One of those suggestions was the documentary "My Octopus Teacher."  Talk about tugging at the heartstrings. The kids and I jumped from that to the "Dr. Who" season released in 2005 at the suggestion of Edmund's oldest friend.  That became their favorite thing to talk about over our zoom game nights, solidifying a friendship Edmund has had since he was an infant. 

Recently, for the kids, it’s been all about "WandaVision". Here is where I admit I’ve sat in the theater through all the Marvel movies and can’t tell you what I just watched, much like my reaction to football. Although I actually enjoyed my experience watching the former, I have never been able to say the same about the latter.  Even with my lack of Marvel knowledge I’m surprisingly loving our new Friday night routine and show. Thank goodness Edmund can fill me in on what’s up and apparently Evelyn has been helping my mom, her Kay-Kay. Enjoy below the following text my mom sent me about her conversation with Evelyn (8) detailing last week's movie night.

E: So what did you watch for movie night?

K: Wanda Vision

E: We did too, plus Princess Bride.

K: Oh, PB is funny. But I'm confused about WV.  Are you?

E: No. What confuses you?

K: Well, for one thing her brother comes back to life in a different form.

E: What episode did you watch?

K: I think we watched 5 and 6.

E: Don't worry. That will all be explained in episodes 7 and 8.

K: ROTFL

Not only are we bonding as a family, but talking about these shows is giving my kids a chance to bond with their grandparents as well.

"The Queen's Gambit" was recommended to me by several friends and Edmund's acting coach.  I finally got around to watching it over the holidays. Thank you good friend for letting me know it was not the documentary about chess I believed it to be. Phew! I had planned to watch with Edmund. We have all the talks in this house (drugs, sex, consent, alcoholism, race, how he can use his privilege to effect change in the industry he one day wants to work in, etc) before I thank him for listening to my TedTalks and send him out to ride his bike and be a kid. He loves chess and would have loved the cinematography, but he’s just shy of 13. Those adult themes up close and personal in a visual medium can wait for him for now. For me though, it was a good foray back into watching TV for story telling's sake, and I reveled in the cinematic feel.

January was hard for me mental health wise. I grieved not getting to have real a 40th b-day even though I had/have been using the pandemic as an excuse to retreat into myself away from people. I started to grieve not getting cards or a big sign or even a distanced stop by from a human that wasn't family.  Then I beat myself up for grieving something so trivial when others have much more difficult struggles. I know intuitively I have the right to grieve, but sometimes my conscious won't let me. Unfortunately the pandemic has been the perfect recipe to undo all my years of therapy working on my social anxiety. All the things we were asked to do to be safe were/are my defense mechanisms. In fact, not wanting Edmund to retreat into his anxiety is the exact reason we made the difficult decision to send him back to in person school.  I'm making an effort this month to re-enter society safely, even if that's simply stopping to talk to a good friend on a bike ride instead of shutting myself off.  It helps when said friend passes you and says you look like a teenager in your workout gear, when days before your wonderful children said if they had to guess your age they'd guess 50.  Ha!

We are extremely fortunate Edmund is a kid who thrives academically on a distance learning platform.  However, he, much like me, needs the arts to feel whole.  And the arts are best done with others. Being able to send him first back to his arts classes and then back to full on school was so important for him.  He has been so incredibly fortunate to continue with the arts in as safe a way as possible.  I can't thank his teachers, acting coaches, directors, enough.  They realized how much these kids needed arts for their mental health and put all the appropriate safety precautions in place.  He still does some arts classes through Zoom and others he gets to do in person, masked and distanced.  He got to perform in "A Charlie Brown's Christmas", gets to do a one act with his theater class, and is currently in rehearsal as the role of Lurch in "The Adams Family Musical." Even though I won't get to see the former 2 roles in person due to Covid protocols, I'm so glad he gets to participate. It is what he and his arts loving peers needed for mental health this year.  Unfortunately, there hasn't been much to send me back to... yet. Fingers crossed we're getting there.  This is why therapy is a constant in our family this year, even though it’s also been a year to be extraordinarily grateful. 

Art as Therapy

Our family has been very open about the fact I go to therapy.  This usually occurs while the kids are at school, which unfortunately has been out of sight out of mind for them.  We have also told Edmund he can be open about the fact he goes to therapy for anxiety too if he wishes.  At this time he is, which is why I mention it here.  However, he knows he doesn't have to relay what he talks about unless he wants to.  When we talk to his therapist together about the week's tough times I often throw myself under the bus for him because I know it's hard to do while I'm sitting there.  I want him to be aware that I know there are many times I screw up as his mom.  But I'm also willing to work on them for him.

This year, because Edmund and I have done our therapy sessions through Telehealth, it has definitely been more visible to my girls.  Evelyn asked on two different occasions if she'll need to "go to the special doctor." Both Steven and I said "most likely yes, as you have inherited some anxious tendencies.  It is very beneficial to have an outside person to give you strategies."  We let her know she can tell us when she gets to the point she needs to talk to someone who isn't family.  I want talking about mental health resources to be as easy as talking about the weather.  I'm glad this year has given me an opportunity to be more open about it with my kids.

After getting very down in January, Steven suggested we finish the last season of the "The Good Place" as a bit of an escape. It had been a very long time since we’d watched TV together (about a year since watching the first 3 seasons) and this got us back into it.  One day after finishing that show I was listening to "Ask Me Another" with Ken Jeong on a much needed bike ride to blow off steam. My friend posted later that day that it was a great episode. I responded in agreement.  I think she was drawn to the episode because of the actors on that day from "Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist." I was drawn to the episode initially because Ken Jeong is one of the “famous” people my husband’s med school can claim. I knew KJ would be spouting out info on my hometown, which to be honest I was desperately missing.  And of course I heard it because I can't tell you the last time I missed an episode of "Ask Me Another."  I usually have no clue who the guests are, but love it nonetheless. 

When I commented on my friend's post she reached out knowing I love musical theater and said Zoey's is worth watching, even if sometimes it's a bit awkward. Sometimes I stick suggestions in my back pocket not know when I'll get to them.  But I had nothing in my line-up after finishing "The Good Place" the night before, so "Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist" it was.Steven helped me find it and we purchased the first season. Second season is streaming.  I’ve never binged a show so fast. Steven almost couldn’t keep up, but he did, for me. 

The way ZEP deals with grief was cathartic in a way I didn’t expect after losing my uncle 4 years ago. He was the person I shared my love of the arts with.  He and I could sit and people watch together for hours when I visited him in NYC.  He was a darn good playwright and actor.  Fun tidbit.  My uncle's name is forever linked with Edward Norton on the great Google.  One of Edward Norton's first roles was in one of my uncle's plays. My uncle was the person I shared my love of the arts with, the person I shared some of my deepest thoughts with, and even 4 years later, though the pain has lessened, I still grieve not being able to connect that deeply with someone.

Season 1 episode 4 of ZEP with Mo spoke to me greatly as I’ve been facing a struggle with leaving the faith tradition I grew up in. Coincidentally or not, this journey took off as my uncle was facing death. While I'd always struggled with the tradition, I no longer could sit in a place that would not allow anyone other than straight white men to step up as leaders. To be honest this is really a 30 year journey. I haven't felt at home in this tradition since facing bullying first at the age of 11 in what was supposed to be a safe space.  I've learned through therapy authenticity is my number one value.  Unfortunately, the faith tradition I was once part of claims to value authenticity, but often only if that authenticity fits into a pre-conceived notion of what is true and good.  If I don't feel comfortable being authentic in those spaces, which I find to be the case more often than not, I can't be part of them. With the help of good friends, and the support of my parents which includes my retired pastor father, I'm finding places of faith that do value the true self and am moving towards those.  

A podcast that has been extremely helpful on this topic for me has been "The Mourner's Bench."  I highly recommend.  A former student's mom is one of the regulars, along with a current and former black pastor.  The mom of of my student was the first openly gay women ordained in the Presbyterian Church of the USA.  The podcast doesn't shy away from race, politics, or homosexuality. It has felt like such a safe space this year. At the same time it has been nice to reconnect with a former friend through her podcast.  I will say at this time my faith journey is a very personal one, so I'm leaving it at that for now.  However, having art reflect life in both auditory and visual mediums I've found to be beautifully healing this year.

While most of the titles of shows above are all fairly mainstream, so many friends have been sharing their own art on social media platforms (singing songs, YouTube shows, film essays, piano pieces, paintings, musical compositions, podcasts, etc.)  These shared pieces of art from the heart mean so much to me.  Art doesn't have to be commercial to speak to or move someone. At no other time in history has it been easier to share one's art expression with others.  It's been a joy to see my friends get back to some of their first loves during this pandemic or even find a new artistic love.  Because the art means something to them I feel honored they put it out in the world for me and others to experience.  I know this has gotten a bit rambly, so time to put the brakes on.  One day soon, I hope I can get my thoughts on mental health and the arts together for someone who might need it.  Until then, I hope there may be something here that speaks to someone, even if it's simply trying one of the tv shows, podcasts, books or movies mentioned above to lose, or find yourself in, for awhile.

Balanced and Unbalanced Forces

https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artists/alexander-calder-848


It has been a little over 3 years since I last posted here.  3 kids will do that to ya.  I still love to write, but my time to do so is limited.  Writing mini vignettes on Facebook is about all I have time for these days, despite it not being my favorite venue for sharing much of anything.  However, this weekend's events are such that I want them recorded.  I know me, and I know this is going to be a long one.  If I attempt to post the following on Facebook, the majority of my friends are going to spout "zzzzzs" before they get to the last sentence. This writing is mainly to preserve memories for me and my family. I know there might be snippets in my writing that light a spark in others, so I am happy to share a small snapshot of what occurs in our family's lives.  I appreciate so much when others do the same for me through their writing.  

We are far from the perfect family.  In fact I looked at the last post on this blog, and it spews our imperfection in all its glory.  I want to keep life real here the best I can.  I know things I believe today may evolve and change over time.  If there's one thing I never want to quit doing in life, it's learning and understanding.  Ask my husband.  He'll tell you I fall asleep to a variety of science and history podcasts because I find them soothing.  Go figure.  This post is a snapshot of where I currently am in my life's journey.  There is a lot I want to pack in here, so be prepared for some stream of consciousness writing.  I don't know when I might have another chance to sit down and write with this amount of depth, so this piece may not tie up neatly with a bow.  With those caveats aside, feel free to read at your own risk :)

The past month has brought about many accomplishments for Edmund.  He received a letter from the governor for outstanding achievement on all parts of last year's FSAs (Florida Standards Assessments).  I'd really like to say I don't put much stock in standardized tests, but I sheepishly admit I got a bit excited when my son got a letter.  He won 1st place in his first tennis tournament of the fall.  And he received a part in the school play.  I can say without a doubt, I am beyond proud of him.  With these achievements, however, comes "great responsibility".  Uncle Ben certainly got that right.  I'm trying to teach that these achievements must come with a degree of humility and a recognition of privilege.  That doesn't mean he, or the rest of our family, shouldn't be proud of his hard work.  However, I do believe accomplishment should always come with reflection.  Never before has an opportunity to teach these values to my children fallen so neatly into my lap.

Edmund's science teacher sent out her weekly update late last week.  She mentioned the class had been focusing on several new science terms.  Two terms they have been exploring recently are balanced and unbalanced force.  The teacher gently encouraged parents and children to do some research on the artist Alexander Calder together over the weekend.  The students could then make a mobile to better understand the two types of force using what they had discovered.  As I have a bit of knowledge of Calder, Steven immediately threw this task to me.  He knew I was happy to oblige as it meant I got a break from taming the wild 2 year old for a few minutes.  

On Saturday evening I quickly Googled Calder's work to show Edmund a few of his pieces.  I knew we'd have to put the majority of research and project off until the next day, but wanted him to see who we'd be learning about.  When I pulled up a picture of Calder, Edmund asked if there were only famous men artists.  That led to another Google search of "most famous artists".  I realized anything Google decided to spit out was for the most part subjective.  But sure enough, the first few lists were male only.  Frida Kahlo and Georgia O'Keefe showed up in some of the lower search term results, but in a search that encompassed both male and female artists, those were the only two women I spotted on the page 1 results.

Both Imogen and Evelyn were present as I did these searches.  Not only did I want to make sure I presented a good response for Edmund, but I wanted to make sure my girls heard a response that acknowledged their reality as females.  Evelyn had a shirt from Target that she wore until it was so tattered I couldn't send her out in it anymore.  It showed a chemistry set on the front and listed Marie Curie's achievements on the back.  I love how much she loved this shirt, and hoped any answer I gave acknowledged just how important women are in the narrative of history, as the shirt aimed to do. 

This came up on my News Stories today.  I find it fitting.

https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-45655151

I must admit I was caught a bit off guard by Edmund's question, but did the best with the limited time I had to form an answer.  I explained to Edmund that just because females don't come up often in searches, does not mean women aren't as good artists as men (or anything else for that matter).  This simply reflects attitudes toward women throughout history.  Women simply weren't given the opportunity to create when people such as Michaelangelo and da Vinci were alive.  In more recent times it still harder for women to break into the art world.  There's no denying it is getting easier, but it is still an uphill climb.  I then looked at my girls and made sure they understood that just because it may be a bit harder for a woman to make it in certain fields doesn't mean a woman, or people in other historically marginalized groups, shouldn't keep fighting for a place in those fields.  This is about as far as the discussion got on Saturday night, but Sunday presented more time for us all to dig deeper.

Sunday was tennis tournament day.  I promised Steven I would get up and be raring to go at the crack of down.  Those who know me, probably know that didn't happen.  I try! I really do! But mornings are not my thing.  This is where I praise my husband.  He has always been the one to get up with the kids on days he doesn't have to leave early.  He knows it makes for a much happier "everyone" when I get those few extra minutes of sleep.  I still feel guilty about my need for extra sleep, as I feel mornings are what moms are supposed to do.  However, I'm trying to get over that guilt because I know my kids get to see a balance that benefits our family.  Steven took Edmund to the tournament.  I followed about an hour later with the girls.

Imogen did her own thing as we drove, while Evelyn found herself engrossed in the music we were listening to;  Hamilton's "Wait for It."  Totally off topic, but I made it a goal to memorize the whole soundtrack this year.  I have been memorizing soundtracks since dancing to a record of Mary Poppins at the age of 4, but Hamilton is a huge undertaking.  And yes I claim my quirkiness.  I can almost spit out all the words in time to "Guns and Ships".  I know all the words, but 17 words in 3 seconds in tough. More power to those of you who can do it, and those who perform it one or two times a day for an audience.  This soundtrack has rotated in and out of the kids' music requests for the past 3 years.  This musical has sparked discussion with the kids about musical genres, history, flawed people (includes us all), our family values, and on and on.  Some of our best discussions have come from this musical and there are still things to talk about 3 years after the first note played in our manatee van  Keeping it real here.  As much as I relish discussion, there are more days than not I simply want to zone out.  This leads to hollering, "guys can I please get through this song without someone talking to me."  So there you go.

At the beginning of the drive, Evelyn and I began a musical discussion about how the lyrics and the music work together in "Wait for It."  I asked her to let me know the first time she recognized the interconnection.  She found it and got so excited.  There's a place in the music where the music completely drops out.  Then the whole chorus comes back in and there is an awesome swell of a chord as the words "wait for it" are sung.  I could listen to this part over and over.  Truly genius.  There are a few other subtle places where this happens and we talked about this too, even the part at the end that still trips me up.

This discussion then turned into a discussion about Lin Manuel Miranda.  Evelyn wanted to know if he was a "boy or girl." This sparked a talk about men and women composers.  Again we don't see or hear too much about female composers.  "Does that mean that women aren't as good at writing music?" I asked Evelyn.  "No," she replied.  We talked a lot about how she might have to work harder to get where she wants in some professions.  She did point out certain professions in which she's never seen a woman.  I went on to say that doesn't mean she shouldn't try if one of those are something she'd like a career in.  Having an understanding of the difficulty, but working hard at something, can make the achievement that much greater.  At the moment Evelyn is still a firecracker, and I pray she keeps that spark.  Yes, even if it makes my job as her mom that much harder. 

We arrived at the tournament and made our presence known.  And what a presence it is when my two girls show up.  Evelyn wandered off and became the typical 6 year old she is, asking (whining) for a banana staring her in the face on the welcome table, and collecting random rocks from the park.  Our car discussion hopefully simmering in her brain.  As a family, we watched Edmund play for awhile.  Evelyn had the opportunity to watch a talented 7 year old girl play a match.  For the most part this tournament comprised kids of similar age and skill. Most of the kids were within 6 months of age of each other.  This little girl was definitely the youngest by a couple of years.  She may not have won her sets, but she certainly did a great job of keeping up with the bigger kids.  It was inspiring for Evelyn to see the girl's determination as it related to our prior discussion.

This is where I get a bit off topic, but it is one of my favorite stories from this weekend.  Since Edmund was 2 he has had a bit of trouble recognizing faces.  He knows his best friends of course, and after a good amount of time learns to put names with faces of kids and adults at his activities.  We're working on it.  He has thankfully moved beyond identifying people by the color of their shirts.  That wasn't working out too well for him.

Edmund has played one of the boys he played on Sunday in at least one other, maybe two other tournaments.  Not only that, N, has taken lessons on the same day as Edmund with another pro at our neighborhood tennis center for about a year.  Beyond that, the boys participated in at least 3 tennis camps together this summer at that same tennis center.  After Edmund and N completed their sets, they attempted to figure out where they knew each other from.  N asked, "did you wear blue sunglasses and a blue hat?" Yes!" Edmund exclaimed.  Eventually, the boys came to me with their "it's such a small world" discovery.  "We went to the USTA camp together this summer," they both squealed.  I looked at them and said, "boys, you know you've played next to each other on our courts almost all year."  Neither one remembered.  At least now they'll know to say "hi" when they see each other at our home courts in the future.  To be fair, N doesn't live close to our neighborhood, and as such, goes to a different school.  Glad to know my son isn't the only one that doesn't always pay attention.

Edmund played his next set against a boy he played in a tournament before he stopped for the summer.  This is one situation where not recognizing faces actually came in handy for him.  I immediately recognized this boy as the skilled tennis player that blew Edmund out of the water when Edmund moved up in level last spring.  Edmund begged to go back down after that, but we told him he could take a break, keep practicing, try again when ready, and most of all, just enjoy the sport.  I'm glad not remembering kept Edmund from working himself up.  I sat back and cheered both kids on.  Edmund won in a tie breaker.  The other boy left the court crying, which broke my heart.  I knew the feeling all too well, as we were in the same position a few months ago.  Edmund went over to praise the other boy's game and was quick to call out his good shots throughout their matches.  The kids had such great rallies that sometimes we parents couldn't remember who scored the point.  We'd exclaim "they just aren't missing."  Many of the balls weren't easy returns on either side.  Both boys had a lot to be proud of.  It was simply a pleasure to witness.

I am still learning tennis.  I've taken a few lessons and attended a few clinics, but still don't recognize best technique.  I like it that way because it lets me simply enjoy watching the sport and Edmund's love of the game.  The parents of the second boy both played tennis in college.  They came to me afterward and let me know they saw amazing improvement in Edmund from the previous tournament.  We agreed navigating losing is difficult, but that the best we could do is help our kids learn to win and lose with grace.  It also means they will inspire each other to keep up the hard work.  Edmund could very well be on the losing end next tournament, and he will need to learn how to handle losses as well as he handles wins.  I know that not all tournaments are the same, but we've been fortunate in that the parents and kids we've encountered at these tournaments for the most part do a great job of lifting each other up.  I know it won't always be that way, but I am glad these kids are getting that foundation.

After the tournament, Edmund and I drove back home, just the two of us.  We have a lot of deep discussions in the car.  He sits in the way back.  I actually love that we can talk without seeing each other.  In some situations this is not my first choice of communication.  However, with no view of facial expression comes a neutrality that allows us to open up to one another.  We got back on the topic of privilege.  I don't want him to feel guilty for the opportunities he has because of the family he was born into.  However, I want him to be very aware of the privilege that comes with it.  At the moment he wants to be a film director (I do realize that could change next week).  We talked about how people of color, women, and other marginalized groups are underrepresented in that industry.  I told him that should he make it in the directing world, or in any other career he so chooses, he has the opportunity to make change. 

He said his favorite authors are females, so he didn't really get what the big deal was.  I explained that although that is his experience, that doesn't mean female authors are published at the same rate as male authors. That JK Rowling used her initials because her publishers were afraid young boys might not read a book written by a woman.  That wasn't that long ago.  I explained that you can't make change if you are oblivious to what is happening in the world around you or simply turn a blind eye.  I want him to know that, yes, merit and hard work matter.  However, some people simply can't work their way out of situations due to archaic systems that still exist.  Being in a higher position can give him opportunity to seek those people out and give them opportunity they otherwise may never be afforded.  

Yeah I know he's 10, but these conversations have to start young.  We talked about how it sucks, yes sucks!, that it has been this way for so long.  There is nothing about him or our family that makes us inherently better than the people on the other side of the fence.  Ultimately, it is the way each of us uses our privilege that matters.  I let him know that I still don't get it right most of the time. I'm trying my best to listen to those who are talking now and those who spoke up before them.  I also reminded him that it is our job to listen first and foremost when someone is relaying an experience we haven't had.  Attempting to put ourselves in another's shoes is always a good place to start.  Edmund broke the air with a joke, and we moved on.  But this is a topic I'm sure we'll find our way to again soon enough. 

This weekend reminded me I can't force these topics on my kids.  I still have a responsibility to make sure they are talked about and weave them in when the kids open the door for discussion.  Evelyn checked out books about cheetahs, manatees, and a circus cat from the library a few weeks ago.  I threw in a book about civil rights, which I was excited to share with her.  She pushed it off and said she knew what it was about.  Not completely the case little one, as even I have much learning to do on the subject.  She and I need to keep talking, and we will.  After getting a reminder the book was due back with no renewals left,  I put it in the car to return.  Edmund picked it up and read it when we headed to lunch after the tournament.  I made the off-handed comment that at least someone read it after 6 weeks in our home.  But in truth we got in more discussion about the topic this weekend than we probably would have gotten from a book anyway.  And all because her brother asked why there don't seem to be any women artists.  Evelyn wants to know more.  And I intend to keep learning with her.

As a teacher I feel the above should be instinctual, but it never hurts to be reminded.  One of the most beautiful moments that has occurred since I went back to teaching happened naturally.  I could never have planned a moment like it.  At the end of my music lessons I sing a lullaby, in the hopes that I send calm kids back to their teachers.  I have been choosing songs I hope the children have heard, so they can sing along.  I encourage them to breathe and focus, as the previous song is normally an active one.  Then I invite them to lie or sit down in a comfortable place. The first time I sing it's usually just my voice.  The second time through the children work up the confidence to sing with me.  A couple of weeks ago one little girl pointed out that she could spread her arms and legs out to be a star with 5 points (her head was the 5th point).  All the kids did this as I acknowledged her idea.  The children began singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" with me. A bunch of star shaped bodies scattered throughout the room.  I stopped singing and the kids continued.  Fourteen 3 year olds sung the most angelic rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" I've ever heard.  If I had rushed us along because the next group was coming, this beautiful moment never would have occurred.  And even still, there are many times I rush ahead.  I still need the reminder to slow down every day.

My children have been beyond blessed to have teachers that notice them and their interests.  A happenstance run in with Edmund's teacher at our pizza place last year led to a film project in his class. The kids in Edmund's classes have interests that they excitedly share with each other, and in turn spark further learning and exploration in each other.  Of course there is some day to day rote learning that can't be escaped.  However, I have been impressed and proud of how my kids' teachers allow the students to guide as much learning as possible.  Not only that, but Edmund has had this experience in two very different school districts in two states.  

Edmund and his friends were chatting after school one day last week, when one of the boys noted "Ms. B and Ms. H are teachers you don't see every day." By this he meant their teachers are extremely innovative.  Edmund replied, "we actually do see them every day."  They all cracked up at this.  But how wonderful is it that these boys do get to experience teachers "one doesn't see every day."  I know my kids are fortunate to have these early experiences, and hope I do my part in helping them recognize this.

This has all been a reminder that I can't force learning on my kids or myself.  I need to look for those opportunities that open doors to get discussion going.  If the first time doesn't work, I try again.  My mom took my sister and I to hear Sandra Day O'Connor speak when I was 7.  I look peeved in the picture we took with her.  I know this because my mom sent the photo to Justice O'Connor and she sent it back signed with a personalized message.  That photo has since sat in a predominant place in every house my parents have lived in over the past 30 years.  I was peeved because my mom took me out of camp on potholder making day.  The nerve!  :) I wish I could go back and tell my 7 year old self what a an amazing opportunity my mom presented me with.   I doubt there's any chance I'd still have a potholder, but I definitely still have that picture and memory.  I also have the photo to start a discussion with my own kids.

Believe me, my kids have blown me off more times than I can count.  But they know the door is always open to come back to a topic.  We leave each "heavy" conversation with that reminder.  The Calder inspired mobile eventually got made.  Edmund and I balanced and unbalanced it.  And the kids and I came away from this weekend with knowledge of balanced and unbalanced forces.  It simply wasn't in the way we originally set out to do so.  

Tabitha and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (With Happy Ending)

This will not be one of my cheeriest posts, despite the 8 month hiatus, but it has such a sweet ending that I had to share.

Yesterday was not my day to win mom of the year.  I've been stressed with our move.  Our summer is almost over, and while I love and am grateful we have the opportunity to live in a nice house I don't do well sitting in it all day.  It's important to me that the kids have the opportunity to get out in the community and experience culture and interactions with people from all walks of life.  I know there are so many people who long for a roof over their heads, and we are so fortunate to have that.  One of the lessons I want to teach my kids, however, is that if the house were to crumble tomorrow, we'd be just fine because life is all about interactions with people.  So I have felt bad that I haven't provided many outings, playdates, or vacations for my kids this summer.  When Steven is working, combined with being pregnant, I simply don't have the energy to handle "adventures" by myself.   We had planned a small one (in town) for this weekend and then found out Steven got his weekend schedule wrong.  I was semi-ok with this because I was thinking "at least we can go out for a family dinner".  Steven reminded me that, no, when he works weekends, he doesn't get home until 9 one of the days...so scratch that.  Yesterday during his long shift it was one of those everything that can go wrong will go wrong days. 

It's not the biggest secret that I am not the best at parking in my garage.  In my defense Steven took the side mirror off the Corolla a few months ago, so he has issues too.  Anyway, I scraped the van and the side of our brand new garage which infuriated me to no end.  I like my things to look in good shape even if they're not new, so knowing I was responsible for taking out two things in one swoop was maddening (clearly I still have some work to go myself on the aforementioned house lesson).  Then Evie had a messy accident in her bed and came downstairs proud of herself for "cleaning it up", thus tracking it through the house.  And on and on it went, though I won't bore you with the details of the rest of the events.

I hate yelling, and while many people don't believe I do it, I definitely yelled yesterday, and cried, and yelled some more.  I tried hard to keep it together, but reached my limit before we hit lunchtime.  How fitting then that Evie chose "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bed Day" as her nap time book yesterday.  But here's where it gets sweet.  

Edmund went to a wonderful camp this week.  While there he did a cooking session (he really wants to be a baker), science session, and a secret ops session.  I assumed that in secret ops they were doing cool spy stuff.  They did some of that, but the true purpose was to perform random acts of kindness without taking credit for it.  During rest time yesterday he sneaked into my room and left me the note I posted above (sorry for the poor quality).  He ran out of the room thinking I hadn't seen him.  He thought by writing "Tabitha" instead of mommy I'd have no idea who wrote it.  I certainly didn't deserve that note yesterday, but he went out of his way to "secretly" cheer me up.  It made me cry, tears of happiness this time, for my sweet boy.

He then went back to play, so I could rest.  While he did so I read through the booklet he had worked on at camp, which talked about his strengths and fears.  This camp did such a marvelous job of getting him to open up at night with "family discussion time" that I learned so much more about him than I thought possible.  In his booklet he wrote about his strengths (good at math, basketball, making friends, and baking).  He also talked about his fears and wanting help to overcome them.  He said he wanted help not being afraid of loud sounds anymore.  I recognized that one, but he also wrote how it is hard on him that he is so sensitive.  In his own way he explained that he has trouble when other kids are playing physically and he can't "handle it."  He doesn't want to tattle when it gets too much for him and he doesn't want to be known as a crybaby.  Essentially he was expressing that he just wants to be "one of the guys".  I was beyond proud of him for sharing this with us.  And I'm glad that camp this week paved the way for him to do so.  The counselors were amazing and I thank them to no end.

Of course Edmund isn't perfect, and clearly his mom isn't either, but he helped me turn what I deemed a terrible day into something sweet.  Thank you big guy!...and Steven who at 10 pm last night after a long day restored both the van and the garage!  

Christmas Letter 2014

Dear Friends and Family,

If at one time you were a faithful blog reader, I'm sure you've noticed it's been quiet on the blog front for quite some time.  I was shocked when I logged in and realized it has been almost a year since I've last written.  I miss writing.  I love how cathartic it can be, but the biggest reason I miss it is that writing so easily preserves memories.  I've never been much of a photo taker.  I really love photos, but when I get my camera out I feel like I'm not truly in the moment.  I know that for some, photo taking is their way of preserving memories, and I love that.  For me writing is my form of memory preservation.  

Our family has a photo album titled Sitting with Santa.  Each year we take the kids to see Santa and order the overpriced photo package, because, of course Santa's elves have made it so you can't order just one simple 4x6.  When I get home I immediately place one photo on the fridge, save some for relatives, and put one photo in the album where I record what the kids asked for, their ages, and where the picture was taken.  On a side note, Edmund only wants a new book for Christmas.  Can it get any easier than that?  

Edmund Trimming the Tree

The photo the kids took with Santa this year turned out beautifully.  One might detect a hint of apprehensiveness in Evie's expression, but with just that photo you'd think we'd had the picture perfect Santa sitting experience.  But don't let the photo fool you.  The sitting with Santa experience this year wasn't all candy canes and hot chocolate.  What the photo can't tell you is that Evie screamed as we dressed her, clawed to rip off the dress she had so excitedly tried on days before, and made it very known she did not want to get in the car.  After that production, we finally arrived in line to see Santa, where Evie calmed down and eagerly awaited her and Edmund's turn to chat with the head elf.  Evie did protest briefly when we placed her on Santa's lap and commanded, "Daddy, you sit on Santa's lap."  In the end, she warmed up to the jolly old fellow, especially when her big brother demonstrated how merry the experience could be and mommy jumped around like a crazy woman behind the photographer.  

Evie De-Trimming the Tree

After I put the photo in the Sitting with Santa album last night, I went back and looked at the previous years' photos.  All of the photos made my heart melt, but I really couldn't remember much about the experiences themselves.  Has Edmund always happily sat with Santa?  Did he ever go through the typical toddler fear of Santa stage?  I couldn't recall.  Then  I went back and read blog posts from years before, and it turns out he really was as cooperative as he appeared in those early years.

As we move south in the days after Christmas, I know our family will experience a range of emotions as we go through one of the biggest changes we've had in recent years.  Even if it's only once a month as a simple journal entry, I want to remember the silly, heartbreaking, funny, and crazy moments that are in store for our family.  Who knows? You may get more blog entries than you bargained for as the Pattishalls make their mark in Florida.  I hope in this season that each of you is able to preserve memories in the way that works for you and your family.  That in Christmas futures as you pull out a recipe, a photo, an ornament, or even a blog entry that you'll be able to recall the things that make up the story of your family.  I know that I share that desire for our family and hopefully that means sharing more adventures with you in the coming year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love,
Steven, Tabitha, Edmund, and Evie

P.S.  If you ever need the perfect stop over on your way to visit the world's most famous mouse, look us up.  We'd love the company!!

Christmas Letter 2013

Season's Greetings Friends and Families,

This past week I started thinking about how I have started to view Christmas letters in the way I view the entity known as Facebook.  This may require a bit of explanation.  I rarely get on Facebook.  I learned long ago, that not only can perusing the site quickly eat away at my precious time, but that if I spend too much time on it, I start to get down on myself.  I'm sure many of you have seen articles talking about this very thing.  Thus, I get on quickly, find out news about people, click like a few times, and leave the site.  When you see a bunch of people putting their best "foot" forward and then view these posts in quick succession it
can easily seem like you aren't doing enough in life. 


So how does this relate to the Christmas letter?  Each year many people put out a letter with highlights from the year.  I'm right there with those who do, and by the way, love getting those letters.  However, this boils one year down into an 81/2 x11 piece of paper (or computer screen) and can again make it look like the grass is greener over at the Joneses'.  Where am I going with this?  The life highlights I tick off can look like amazing accomplishments or events when written in little snippets.  Often, however, there is more behind those snippets than is seen on the surface.  For instance, we have an adorable little moppet named Evie in our family.  But, the child behind the angelic face, has given me a run for my money.  She sent her mother, who rarely relies on parenting books of any kind, on a quest to the library last week to find guidance on how to nurture such a strong-willed personality.  Steven started his "dream job" in June, but it was not without a few tears (and those tears may or may not have come from the children).  

This is all to say that as I recap the past year, I'm going to truly cherish each life event, messiness and all, because these are the things that make our family.  Likewise when I read your Christmas letters, I will sincerely celebrate and reflect with you because I know that your families' "snippets" also have more to them than meets the eye.  As has become tradition, I give you the Pattishall's 2013 run down, which this year I vow to view through a different lens.

February 2013: Edmund and Evie went to visit Mickey Mouse in Florida (read Disney).  While there we celebrated Kay-Kay's birthday and had the privilege of visiting with cousins we haven't seen in many years.

May 2013: Edmund graduated from preschool in cap and gown.  Evie turned 1, while the rest of the family celebrated the fact we all survived her first year.  Edmund and Evie had a joint knight and princess party to celebrate their respective birthdays.  

June 2013: Edmund turned 5 and we thought to ourselves, "honestly, where has the time gone?"  Steven finished his pediatric residency and began a job as a pediatric hospitalist at WakeMed Hospital in Raleigh.  Since I don't tell him enough, I will say here how incredibly proud I am of him.

July 2013:  An article I wrote was selected for the blog Fearless Formula Feeder.  I also started writing occasional posts for my favorite local blog, The Stir Crazy Moms' Guide to Durham, run by a good friend.

August 2013: Edmund began kindergarten and save for one unfortunate day early on, has LOVED every minute.  

September 2013: Edmund began piano lessons with an amazing teacher who "gets" him.  Evie began attending a Parent's Morning Out program at a preschool that we are happy to call her "home away from home."  I also decided it was time to start singing again and joined my church choir.

December 2013: Edmund gave his first mini piano concert in preparation for a recital to be held in early 2014.  After submitting a writing sample, I was contacted with the possibility of joining a review panel for a baby gear review blog.  Even if it doesn't materialize, it has given me the confidence to pursue more writing opportunities.

There are more complex stories behind all of these tidbits, but even more than that there are friends and family who have walked with us through those stories.  I apologize if this part gets a bit mushy.  Steven and I are not demonstrative people and if you ever witness an "OMG, I love my bestie" moment from either of us you are witnessing a miracle.  So allow me to gush in writing over you all for a moment.  We are beyond blessed to have each and every one of you in our lives.  This includes the incredible moms I have been given the opportunity to parent alongside, the friends and neighbors who have been present to support us as Steven transitioned to his new job, the relatives who have been there to give me a break or to allow Steven and me to go on date nights, not to mention love on our children, the old friends and new friends who are available at the drop of a hat to lend a hand or an ear, and, dare I say it, the Facebook friends we haven't seen in years, who will drop us a word of encouragement when it is most needed.  Since we don't tell you all often enough, we are so thankful to have you in our lives.

We wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

The Pattishalls
(Steven, Tabitha, Edmund, and Evie)

It's Time to Play the Music

Curtain Call

I have been having so much busy fun with the kids lately, I haven't had much time to write.  The last few adventures Edmund and I had happened a little while ago, but they were such memorable experiences that I want to document them before they completely fade from memory.  These will focus on the little man, but I hope to get a Halloween post up soon because Evie just may have stolen the Halloween show last night.

I love musical theater and one of my favorite memories was seeing Beauty and the Beast as a teenager in London.  Theater may not end up being Edmund's "thing," but when I found out Beauty and the Beast was coming to the Durham Performing Arts Center (DPAC) I knew I had to get tickets.  Steven was working so we decided to make it a mother/son date.  Evie was in heaven getting to spend the afternoon with Grandma while Edmund and I hit the town.  

It was a dreary day, but neither of us let that get us down.  Edmund loved seeing the large theater and looking at the theater posters hanging in the "gimongous" glass windows.  After we ascended the stairs for balcony level we just had to scope out the treats available for purchase before we took our seats.  Edmund's stomach told him he wanted it all, but I told him he could narrow it down to one thing and let me know at intermission.

After waiting in the lobby for a few minutes, the doors opened, and we were finally able to take our seats.  Edmund and I had seats in the balcony, but that didn't bother him.  He thought it was "cool" that we were so high up.  Grandma and Grandpa had lent us their binoculars and when you're 5 getting to use binoculars is pretty awesome.  After getting settled and having our picture quickly snapped, the music began and the curtain went up.

I braced myself for Edmund's reaction to the dimming of the lights and foreboding intro, but he was entranced.  He had so many questions and wanted to know how the special effects he had just seen, worked.  I think it greatly helped that we talked about the fact we would be watching actors "pretending" beforehand.  I came armed with Edmund's headphones since loud noises are often triggers for Edmund to begin screaming, but he only asked for them after a thunderclap sound effect.  As I reached to get them from my purse he said, "Actually I don't think I really need them."  I put them back and he turned his attention back to the show.

Intermission came and we decided on a pretzel.  While eating our snack Edmund told me he was very excited to go back in and find out what would happen next.  We finished the pretzel and headed back to our seats for Act 2.  Edmund remained engaged and focused the entire time.  In fact, the only problem we had throughout the show was the volume of his voice when asking me questions.  He was so interested in what he was seeing that he couldn't contain his excitement while asking me questions or relaying what he'd seen.  While I was able to get him to turn down his volume as to respect the other theatergoers, we were fortunate to be attending a matinee where the majority of people were there with kids.

The show eventually came to a close and Edmund gave a standing ovation with some hearty claps.   I am so happy he enjoyed his first true theater experience, but I am even more thankful at the strides he is making with some of his sensory issues.  A year ago I wouldn't have dreamed that I would be able to take him to a place with dim lights and slightly loud music, but here we are.  In fact today he asked me when we could go see another show at the DPAC.  I am so proud of my little guy and who he is becoming..

When we arrived home Edmund was excited to tell Steven all about the show.  When asked who his favorite character was, he replied "Belle.  Because she's a girl, and girl's are pretty."  You can't argue with that logic.

Future Trumpeter

 The following week, and very last minute, Edmund and I got a chance for another mother/son date.  This time Evie got to stay with daddy and she loves her some "daddy time."  Edmund and I headed to UNC's campus for a free children's performance by the Chapel Hill Philharmonia.  The group is an all volunteer orchestra made up of local musicians and is in their 31st year.  Living in the area 20 years now, I am unsure how I had never heard of them.  The children's concert was perfect for Edmund's age group and while well attended was intimate enough that he really came away with lots of new found musical knowledge.

Two of the songs were paired with animation from Fantasia.  Before showing the clips the orchestra played without animation and the children had to decide what the music made them imagine.  Many children responded that Beethoven's 5th sounded like Star Wars and the conductor talked about how John Williams was probably influenced by Beethoven.  For the record, Edmund thought it sounded like "Dog Wars," his version of Star Wars starring Puppers.

Edmund loved the kazoo orchestra that he and his peers participated in during "Hornpipe" from Fantasia on British Sea Songs.  When you let 100 kids loose with kazoos you are asking for trouble, but the conductor did a fantastic job handling the kids and they all learned a lot about watching the conductor.  After a little practice the kazoo orchestra was fabulous.

I was beyond impressed with how well this concert was organized, especially since it was free.  As if what I have already written about wasn't enough for Edmund's musical education, the final part of the concert took the cake.  Every child who wanted was invited to conduct the orchestra.  It took probably 20 minutes to get through all the children, but no one was left out.  Edmund was very excited to hear the orchestra play "Ode to Joy" since he had recently learned that song in piano.  However, the orchestra decided to give the listeners a break from the constant refrain of that song before Edmund's turn and moved on to the "Radetzky March." Edmund had a great time conducting the march and I thought it fitting that the "Radetzky March" just so happens to be one of the first songs on learned on the piano.

Edmund took his bow as he finished and we watched as the final set of children conducted.  After the concert we were invited to partake in an "Instrument Zoo." where the children can touch and play the instruments.  Edmund tried the xylophone, timpani, trombone, and cello.  And as a child after my own heart, he tried the trumpet, and amazingly got a sound out of it on the first try.  We may just have a musician on our hands and a trumpeter to boot.  I am having a blast getting to experience some of my loves again through a child's eyes .  Things that I have become lackadaisical about take on new life and I am learning as much from Edmund as he is from me.  While I love babies and toddlers, I'm also learning that this new stage Edmund is entering into, one I wasn't sure how I would handle, is so much more fun than I ever dreamed it could be.

* Below is a video of Edmund conducting the Radetzky March.