Yesterday was not my day to win mom of the year. I've been stressed with our move. Our summer is almost over, and while I love and am grateful we have the opportunity to live in a nice house I don't do well sitting in it all day. It's important to me that the kids have the opportunity to get out in the community and experience culture and interactions with people from all walks of life. I know there are so many people who long for a roof over their heads, and we are so fortunate to have that. One of the lessons I want to teach my kids, however, is that if the house were to crumble tomorrow, we'd be just fine because life is all about interactions with people. So I have felt bad that I haven't provided many outings, playdates, or vacations for my kids this summer. When Steven is working, combined with being pregnant, I simply don't have the energy to handle "adventures" by myself. We had planned a small one (in town) for this weekend and then found out Steven got his weekend schedule wrong. I was semi-ok with this because I was thinking "at least we can go out for a family dinner". Steven reminded me that, no, when he works weekends, he doesn't get home until 9 one of the days...so scratch that. Yesterday during his long shift it was one of those everything that can go wrong will go wrong days.
It's not the biggest secret that I am not the best at parking in my garage. In my defense Steven took the side mirror off the Corolla a few months ago, so he has issues too. Anyway, I scraped the van and the side of our brand new garage which infuriated me to no end. I like my things to look in good shape even if they're not new, so knowing I was responsible for taking out two things in one swoop was maddening (clearly I still have some work to go myself on the aforementioned house lesson). Then Evie had a messy accident in her bed and came downstairs proud of herself for "cleaning it up", thus tracking it through the house. And on and on it went, though I won't bore you with the details of the rest of the events.
I hate yelling, and while many people don't believe I do it, I definitely yelled yesterday, and cried, and yelled some more. I tried hard to keep it together, but reached my limit before we hit lunchtime. How fitting then that Evie chose "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bed Day" as her nap time book yesterday. But here's where it gets sweet.
Edmund went to a wonderful camp this week. While there he did a cooking session (he really wants to be a baker), science session, and a secret ops session. I assumed that in secret ops they were doing cool spy stuff. They did some of that, but the true purpose was to perform random acts of kindness without taking credit for it. During rest time yesterday he sneaked into my room and left me the note I posted above (sorry for the poor quality). He ran out of the room thinking I hadn't seen him. He thought by writing "Tabitha" instead of mommy I'd have no idea who wrote it. I certainly didn't deserve that note yesterday, but he went out of his way to "secretly" cheer me up. It made me cry, tears of happiness this time, for my sweet boy.
He then went back to play, so I could rest. While he did so I read through the booklet he had worked on at camp, which talked about his strengths and fears. This camp did such a marvelous job of getting him to open up at night with "family discussion time" that I learned so much more about him than I thought possible. In his booklet he wrote about his strengths (good at math, basketball, making friends, and baking). He also talked about his fears and wanting help to overcome them. He said he wanted help not being afraid of loud sounds anymore. I recognized that one, but he also wrote how it is hard on him that he is so sensitive. In his own way he explained that he has trouble when other kids are playing physically and he can't "handle it." He doesn't want to tattle when it gets too much for him and he doesn't want to be known as a crybaby. Essentially he was expressing that he just wants to be "one of the guys". I was beyond proud of him for sharing this with us. And I'm glad that camp this week paved the way for him to do so. The counselors were amazing and I thank them to no end.
Of course Edmund isn't perfect, and clearly his mom isn't either, but he helped me turn what I deemed a terrible day into something sweet. Thank you big guy!...and Steven who at 10 pm last night after a long day restored both the van and the garage!
